Tag Archives: parenting

Thankful For Cancellations

So, I had a birthday a couple of weeks ago. We celebrated a couple days before my “real” birthday as the kids call it, because this was supposed to be my schedule on the evening of my birthday:

  • Leave work early to see my son’s basketball game
  • My wife and I go in different directions, she brings my son home, I collect my daughter from play practice
  • I grab dinner for my daughter and have her change into her soccer gear in the bathroom or na phone booth like a super hero
  • Bring my daughter to soccer practice
  • My wife and I cross paths on the road as I finally head home by around 7:00 PM, she is on her way to collect my daughter from soccer and bring my son to soccer
  • I sit at home by myself while my daughter and wife wait for my son’s soccer to be done
  • My family arrives home by about 8:45 and my kids shower and go to bed by 9

Interestingly enough, we had a fairly significant weather event (a.k.a. blizzard) on my birthday that resulted in all of our kids’ evening activities being canceled. All of them! It was the best birthday present ever. We ate dinner together and watched some television and laughed and I wouldn’t have traded it for any present! So, on Thanksgiving, I can say that I’m thankful for cancellations every once in a while!

calendarNow don’t get me wrong, I want my kids to be active and involved but to what end? I realize that we are doing this to ourselves. I know that my mom and dad didn’t get up and look at their iPhones and see the message “you have 11 events scheduled.” When I was growing up, there were no multiple activities in one night. We did one thing at a time for the most part. I had some busy times but when I played football, that’s all I did, which was the same with basketball and track & field. How bad is it? My wife is a teacher and she’s had 5th graders suffer from nervous breakdowns caused by stress because of being over-scheduled with sports, music, tutoring, etc. Now, you could argue like “Tiger Mom,” that music and tutoring in math and foreign languages should be the focus. At least you could get some lifetime benefits out of those. What about having fun and playing sports? Do we all think that our kids are going to get full ride scholarships and go pro? Very unlikely, but that’s how we train. Here are a few sports examples from my experience:

  • I know a little girl who is 11 who played more than 140 hockey games this year in multiple year-round leagues. Do you know how many games the professionals of the NHL play? 82 from October to April.
  • My favorite sport to play as a kid was basketball. Do you know the schedule of youth travel basketball leagues? They practice at least two days a week and play league games and have 10 weekend tournaments from November through March. Then they go to camps and play 3 on 3 in the spring and summer and start up again in the fall.
  • Soccer is no better, spring and summer leagues with out of town weekend tournaments for 11-year-olds playing up an age level, and for 13 year olds, flying to tournaments in places like Florida and Nevada. I know another 10-year-old girl who plays soccer 7-days a week right now and in case you hadn’t noticed – it’s winter in Minnesota!

At least Sunday’s and Wednesday’s used to be off limits for church and family time and major holidays like Memorial Day and Christmas used to be sacred too but now they schedule stuff every available day and have holiday tournaments as well! I could go on but I better stop now, I can feel my blood pressure rising.

Among other things, I’m also thankful that I don’t have many days with 11 events but we want our kids to be active and well rounded. How do you manage your kids’ involvement in athletics and activities? What’s your record for most events in one day? What does balance mean?

Thank god for school projects

I know, a lot of parents actually dread it when their kids come home with big projects from school. Just like the class from Christmas Story groans when their teacher says those dreaded words, “I want you to write a theme.” But, I just survived two big class projects, History Day in middle school and the Science Fair in elementary school. I supposed I could fault the school district for assigning both of these projects at the same time or say what most parents said when I saw them at the school after all the projects were done, “thank god it’s over.” That would be a little too easy though, right? Say what you want about American public education. My daughter’s 5th grade teacher, who is in his first year, says that today’s 5th graders are covering the content that he learned in 7th grade. I’d probably stretch that out a few more years because I’m older than he is. Do you believe the comparisons to other industrialized nations that say we’re falling behind? Maybe that’s because we over-emphasize extra-curricular activities? The high school my kids will attend actually sponsors 30 sports and probably twice as many activities. They don’t have a high school alpine ski team or jazz band in Indonesia for example but they are the happiest school kids in the world. Check out this study published in the December issue of the Atlantic which draws a reverse correlation between happiness in school and how are good you are at math. Did you see the best country in the world at math – Korea – also the most unhappy. The U.S. was much closer to Korea on the list than Indonesia. I’m sure we still need more focus on STEM – science technology engineering and math – so that would make me favor the science fair over history day.

 

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But I’m here to advocate for them both. Kids need to learn how to learn, that’s why projects like these are important. My son studied World War II but he researched an often forgotten aspect of it – the fact that the U.S. put Japanese Americans in internment camps because we were afraid of them after their country bombed Pearl Harbor. He learned that a young man named Fred Korematsu actually fought the U.S. government and lost. He also learned how to work with two other kids on this project. They actually let other kids do their projects by themselves, which I think should be penalized. They also let some kids’ parents do their projects for them but whatever. The bottom line is that my son learned something and taught me something. And, when it was over, he was happy.

 

 

 

ImageMy daughter learned the scientific process. She wrote a hypothesis, which she proved wrong. She ran an experiment and documented the results and told her story to lots of other kids and parents in a packed elementary school gym. She learned something and taught me something. And, when it was over, she was happy.

 

So, thank god for school projects and for kids learning. Not learning how to take tests or score better against other countries. Learning how to learn and then being happy when they are done. 

 

 

Katy Perry’s Parents

So, we all know Katy Perry right? She’s kind of a big deal. She did something in popular music that no one else has ever done – her first five hits from one album all went to number one. We just watched her new documentary, “Katy Perry – Part of Me” with our daughter this week. I loved it and am not ashamed that I laughed and cried and most importantly danced with my daughter and golden doodle. I read some other reviews of the film; professional movie critic Dana Stevens for Slate magazine wrote one of the crabbiest. I’m not sure what movie she saw. I guess you come to expect that professional critics are going to hate some of the stuff that you like right? Rotten tomatoes actually was 77% positive or “certified fresh” on the tomato meter, here’s a link to their page: http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/katy_perry_part_of_me/ So, there you go, fair and balanced. I thought it was a fun movie about a weird girl with a dream and it showed the ups and downs of making it in the music business but sacrificing your personal life. Katy Perry’s music has drawn criticism for being obscene but I’ve got to say, she’s an adult and is writing songs about being an adult. It’s a parents’ job to manage the content that their kids consume, not the artist. Besides, Katy has a decent public reputation – no trouble with the law like many of her peers – so it’s not like she made this movie to spin her public image.

I’m not writing today to encourage you to buy or rent her new movie or download any of her songs, I’d like to comment about Katy Perry’s parents instead, Keith and Mary Hudson. You may have read about Katy’s upbringing in an evangelical Christian home with minister parents. If you watch the movie, you will get a taste of it as well. They were a little nuts – overprotective, overbearing, and sure that they were doing God’s work. Here’s the interesting part. Even with where her parents stand, they love their daughter. They thought that songs like “I kissed a girl and I liked it” and “Friday Night” were going to ruin their ministry and be a negative force on the world but guess what; they still love their daughter. Look at some other young celebrity’s parents with names like Lohan, Cyrus, Jackson and try to find love and support. The Hudson’s are parents that look at their daughter and openly disagree but they haven’t disowned her, they come to concerts. That surprised me and encouraged me to be a better parent. Our kids all have dreams right? Some of those dreams are long shots like playing in the NFL or becoming a pop star but that’s what dreams are, sometimes they are silly and improbable. How many of us had dreams like that and got no encouragement and support? Think what you will about Katy Perry and her success but here’s what I got out of it – there was a little girl that loved music who had parents that weren’t so sure but they loved her and her dreams came true.

I love social studies

It’s my son’s first week of middle school. Yes, think Greg Heffley from the books/movies “diary of a wimpy kid.” Not that he’s wimpy per se but everyone is a little self conscious and freaked out by big transitions right? He has a longer bus ride, two locker combinations to remember, 6 different teachers, the trumpet to learn, he’s swamped. So, the boy comes home one day and he looks exhausted like I do after a day of corporate meetings and he says “I love middle school.” I was more than a little surprised but it was the next statement that almost floored me. The boy never expresses emotion and never loves two things at the same time. No, it’s not what you’re thinking, he doesn’t love a girl yet, I’m not ready for that. Instead he says, “and I love social studies because of my teacher.” Maybe it struck me extra hard because of the boy’s usual lack of emotion. Maybe it got to me because  loved social studies too or because it was the week of 9/11 and an important election year and I’m a little sensitive. It could also be the fact that social studies often gets forgotten in the middle of all often misguided and overblown talk of student achievement in the areas of math and reading. Whatever the reason, I was thrilled. It’s great to pay attention to social studies and as his teacher defined it, that includes current events, geography, politics, government, history and culture. After all, what good would mad skills in reading and math be if you don’t understand the world we live in. Later that same week, I attended an alumni breakfast for my alma mater. The new president was just rolling out the new five year strategic plan. Don’t fall asleep, stay with me. One part struck me after this experience with the boy. Let me sum up. One part of the plan focused on how much the world is changing in the areas of politics, technology and demographics and that it’s less important to collect credits in college and more important to build competence, creativity, and character. This week, I thank Mr. Larsen for doing just that with the boy.