Category Archives: Fun

Don’t judge a book by its meat dress

I find it very hard to watch the Oscars or any awards show any more. I’m in my 40’s and I’m getting crabbier every year. It’s not like I’m not happy for people that win and achieve their dreams. I think the Oscars are one of the few awards that still matter. There are so many music awards any more that it’s hard to keep track of them. I also find it very odd that there is “an academy” that votes for these awards and there are always really good performances and great movies left off the list and strange one’s that win and that makes me mad. It’s one of the reasons why I prefer sports with scoreboards like basketball or soccer or clocks like swimming and track & field to those with a panel of judges like gymnastics and figure skating. Never trust a panel or an academy to get it right.

This year, there were also a lot of very strong messages delivered by winners about women’s pay equity, and self worth, and terrible diseases that need cures. If you win, you get to have the microphone for like 45 seconds so by all means, make an impression. Not everyone can make a memorable impression by what they wear on the red carpet, so they better make people remember their performance and what they say. One performance in particular was shocking to most of us – Lady Gaga singing a “Sound of Music” medley. It made me think of one of my favorite lines from the movie Pretty Woman after Richard Gere walks in on Julia Roberts in the bathroom and thinks he catches her taking drugs but in actuality she was just flossing her teeth. Here was the dialog that ensued:

Edward Lewis: It’s just that, uh, very few people surprise me.
Vivian: Yeah, well, you’re lucky. Most of ’em shock the hell outta me.

I don’t think that many people recognized Lady Gaga or thought she could sing like that (or dress like that) so that shocked us all. If you missed it, here’s a link to her performance. I myself have never been a huge Gaga fan with her weird costumes and behavior but she has an incredible voice. I think that was a great message for a spectacle like the Oscars and from now on, I will appreciate Lady Gaga a bit more and I will try not to judge her just for her hair, or tattoos or her dress made out of meat.

Disappointed…in leadership

I watched the super bowl. My family and I were so excited to cheer for the Seahawks. We had lots of good reasons. We sort of adopted the Seahawks after many years of disappointment with the Minnesota Vikings. Yeah, call us bandwagon if you want but we started cheering for them in December of last year when my son said, “Dad, we need to find a new team.” So, I ordered him a Russell Wilson jersey and off we went. Little did we know that they would run through the playoffs and embarrass the Denver Broncos to win the city’s first super bowl.

So, we were ready this fall. With all the drama surrounding Adrian Peterson, we were solidly Seahawks fans again. They really played well towards the end of the season and their division fell apart and before we knew it, they were in the NFC Championship against the Packers. Being Minnesotans, we never like to see the Packers win, so that game was painful to watch. It looked like Green Bay was going to head back to the Super Bowl but the Packers found a way to lose and the Seahawks were winners again.

The whole world knows about “deflate gate” and when I asked my daughter, a non-football fan, who she was rooting for in the Super Bowl, she said “I don’t cheer for cheaters.” So, true. We were really hoping that good karma was on our side against New England. At the end of the game, I felt a little ill. Yes, I ate too much but I also couldn’t believe we lost. Then I searched my memory bank for some good sports quotes and came up with “you win some and you lose some” and “players win games; coaches lose them.” What really struck me today when I read about the aftermath of the Super Bowl and all the analysis of Seattle’s last play call, it was a study in leadership. When asked about the last play call, Pete Carroll, Seattle’s head coach, quickly said, “it was my fault.” No second guessing, no throwing anyone under the bus. He just took responsibility. As they day went on, the exhausting analysis continued and I heard the answer to the question of responsibility posed to Seattle’s offensive coordinator, Darrell Bevell. He was actually the one most responsible for that play call and instead of following Pete Carroll’s lead, he blamed his wide receiver for not getting to the ball fast enough.

So, there you have it. Leadership 101 – Don’t cheer for cheaters and take responsibility for mistakes.

Basements and tornadoes

Growing up on a farm can be lonely. You could sit on the tractor for hours by yourself. I knew the words to every song on every radio station – we only had like two actually – classic rock and classic country. Feeding and taking care of animals alone – you find yourself talking to them. Pigs, cows, dogs, they are all pretty good listeners but they don’t give great advice. It’s a solitary life. One particular place on the farm that was lonely and terrifying was our basement. Now I’m not even really sure you could call it a basement. It was under the house but this wasn’t your typical suburban basement where you entertain with a wet bar and plasma TV. This was a basement from a Steven King novel. There were two ways to get there. First, you could get there from the house by going through a small door just off our living room. From there, you’d pull a string to turn on a light and make your way down some dark and creaky stairs. Or, from the outside of the house, you had to open a “Wizard of Oz” type cellar door that you pull up. That led you down some equally creepy concrete stairs through a crooked wooden door in the house’s foundation. Now the fun is just beginning, once you got in, you were struck by the smell of mildew and you were overwhelmed by darkness – not a quiet and peaceful darkness so much as an unexplained darkness. There were some tiny windows on two walls but for some reason, no light came in. I think the light was scared. The one similarity to typical suburban basements was all the mechanicals like the furnace and water heater and affiliated pipes but they were hidden in the shadows or by the shadows. Behind the furnace was a small room that I never went in. I think it used to hold coal or something but it may also have been the way to Hades. So, you get the picture, not a fun place to have sleepovers or play ping pong. You would think this would be a place that you could avoid if it creeped you out right? You could never go there unless you had your dog or pig with you, you know someone to talk to. Ironically, this basement was where my parents sent me to keep me safe from severe thunderstorms and tornadoes – alone. I wonder if that’s why I hate thunderstorms and tornadoes so much? You think?

Small town service

I pulled into Smith’s Sudden Service in my home town on a cold Monday morning. My car had been sitting in my mom’s garage for two months because I was driving my dad’s truck. It felt good to drive an F-150 down in the city. I sat up high, listened to country music, got 10 mpg – and I missed my dad and sometimes it felt like he was sitting next to me. So, after two months of inactivity, my right front tire was flat. Or, actually it wasn’t so much flat as it just wasn’t full anymore and I had to drive four hours on icy roads in subzero temps to get back to civilization so I thought I should get it checked out. So, I found myself parking my bright red Nissan in front of the station and walking in to look for Ron. A bell rang as I opened the door, not an electronic bell but an actual bell that was hanging above the door. Coming in out of the cold, I felt 4 pairs of eyes on me. The room was thick with smoke and smelled like oil. George Strait was on the radio. I recognized Ron, the owner, because I’d been in there with my dad, but he had no idea who I was. The other three characters must have been regulars. They were standing around, smoking and drinking Ron’s coffee. “Good morning,” I said tentatively because it wasn’t and I was nervous. “What can I do for you?” asked Ron in response as his regulars sized me up. I could almost hear their thoughts, “foreign car – can’t put air in his own tires – wearing a girl’s coat (North Face) – dress pants (J Crew) – and shoes with no laces (Cole Haan)” I broke through the stereotypes with “I’m Steve, my brother called about my tire.” “Oh yeah,” said Ron, “I was sorry to hear about your dad” and then he said, “I can get it in right now.” So, Ron left me with the regulars who continued to stand and smoke. Finally Ron came back after what seemed like an hour (about a minute). Just as he did, a regular’s phone rang and everyone said “You got Al” and laughed. Al waited for them to be done and flipped open his phone and answered, “You got Al.” Ron told me it would just be a few minutes for them to pull the tire off and check it out and then he handed me a cup of coffee saying it was the best in town. When he left again to check on my tire, one of the guys whispered that the coffee wasn’t good at all but it was hot and free. I laughed. My dad would have stayed there all morning.

Something in the water

Tom was nervous. This was his first job after all. Oscar’s farm was right down the road and helping him take care of the cows and mend fences didn’t seem too bad but he just didn’t know what to expect. Tom loved the farm and after his family lost their land and animals and had an auction, it just didn’t feel the same at home. So, this was a way for him to stay connected and maybe make a few bucks too. Tom was a little scared of Oscar. Not scared for his life scared but just the way you’d be scared of a stray animal or of flying for the first time. He’d seen him around, at church and at the cafe in town, and he was always grumpy. He also walked with a limp, maybe he always had it or maybe he just wasn’t as spry as he used to be.

Tom’s dad dropped him off right after lunch because Oscar had a few hours of work to do but as he put it, he “didn’t want to feed the boy.” Oscar met them in the driveway when they pulled in and Tom’s dad motioned for him to hop out of the truck and then he backed out and drove off. I guess this is it, thought Tom to himself. His thoughts were interrupted by Oscar’s gruff voice, “Did you bring some gloves? We’re working with barbed wire and it will tear up your hands.” Of course Tom had not brought gloves. Oscar just looked at him disappointedly and shook his head. He walked towards the barn and before Tom knew it, a pair of gloves came flying at him. They were about 8 sizes too big but he put them on anyway.

They walked out to the pasture right past the cows. Tom had been around cows before but never up this close. As if he wasn’t nervous enough about today. He didn’t think that cows ate humans but they were certainly big enough to squish him like a bug. They didn’t, they just moved out of the way as he and Oscar walked by – maybe they were scared of him too.

After tugging on wire and holding it so Oscar could pound new staples into old wooden posts for what seemed like a hundred years. Oscar broke the silence and said, “Are you thirsty? It’s hotter than hell out here.” Tom answered “yea” skittishly. Oscar dropped his tools and started walking towards the barn. In Tom’s mind, he thought they would head inside for some lemonade and cookies. No luck. They stopped at the huge stock tank that the cows drank out of. It looked bad. It had some stuff floating on the top of the water, it was green and really disgusting. That didn’t stop Oscar, he reached for a big metal ladle that was hanging from a nearby post, dipped it into the water, brought it to his lips and took a big sip. Tom thought he would pass out and then Oscar would die. He didn’t take a drink from the tank that day or any other day that summer – he brought a water jug instead. Oscar didn’t die any time soon; in fact he lived to be 102. Maybe just like Carrie Underwood sings, “there must’ve been something in the water.”

PG-13 Changes Everything

Someone recently turned 13 in my home. I guess that becoming a teenager is a big deal but the most important thing that my son noticed was the fact that it opened up a whole new world of film entertainment – the PG-13 movie! Now, if you’re not a parent, you probably don’t pay much attention to PG, PG-13, R, you just stream movies and TV shows or order them on-demand and who cares about the ratings right? Well, not all PG-13 movies are created equally. In fact, if you’ve not paid attention over the years, the PG rating used to be a lot different. Compare the colossal Disney hit “Frozen” – which is rated PG with the 80’s classic “Uncle Buck” starring John Candy which was released in 1989 – also PG. I love the Internet Movie Database or IMDB as the kids call it. Actually, I think it’s just geezers like me that use that app but it’s incredibly helpful for those “who was that guy that was in that one movie with…” questions. Anyway, they have a parent’s guide for every movie that is not only accurate but cleverly written. According to that, there is an extensive amount of profanity in Uncle Buck (and none in Frozen), which is hilarious if you’re 13 and you don’t hear those words every day.

BS

That brings me to the photo here. My mom recently relocated to be closer to my family and she has a habit of writing her appointments and keeping almost a diary of sorts on a calendar that hangs on her wall. One day last week, my kids and I went over to visit and my son immediately noticed the entry on the 23rd and got the giggles. As you can see, she had “BS” scheduled for 9:30. Not long after my son buckled over with laughter, my daughter (who is 11) came over and asked what was so funny. He just pointed at the calendar and said “BS” and she looked at me and said with an inquisitive look, “Bible Study?” which was indeed what the abbreviation stood for. She hasn’t seen PG-13 movies or ridden on a middle school bus or spent any time with my dad who used the more profane version of “BS” in casual conversation to describe everyone from the weather man to our congressman.

I don’t know about you but I seem to deal with a lot of “BS.” I follow the process but the insurance company doesn’t pay a claim and the clinic sends crabby letters, our builder makes a total mess in our front yard last fall and doesn’t prioritize fixing it because we’ve already paid for our house, I get letters from our homeowners association about leaving the fire pit on the driveway overnight but I can see (and smell) a port-a-potty and five huge blue construction dumpsters full of garbage from my driveway. I could go on. Do you ever look at your calendar and see a meeting and then read “BS” between the lines. Maybe we should all schedule time to deal with “BS” (not bible study, also important but not the topic of my blog), would it be easier if we just knew it were coming on Wednesdays at 9:30? Maybe we should just watch more PG movies from the 80’s and laugh more.

A Weekend Of Wine

Yes, I’ve taken a year off. I’m not getting paid for this you know but I would love it if I did. I had a moment this week when some friends asked me for recommendations from our trip to Napa Valley and I thought to myself, I should just write a blog.

I can’t imagine a better grown-up trip than one to wine country. I mean seriously. The whole trip was about wine and food and I got to drive a rented Kia. We started our adventure by flying into San Francisco, which I do not recommend. I know, I’m from Minnesota and people don’t think we have cars here but the traffic in San Francisco is ridiculous. We got a cheap flight and wanted to drive over the Golden Gate but it was a mistake. Getting out of town on a Friday was a mess and getting back in on a Tuesday was even worse. Fly into Sacramento, which is almost equidistant from wine country and has no traffic.

Besides San Francisco, we made one other mistake on this trip and that was our hotel. There are tons of cool bed & breakfasts and boutique hotels in Yountville but we planned our trip too late and ended up at the River Terrace Inn in Napa. Besides Napa being the most boring town in the valley, this was a not a great hotel either. The room was fine and it was clean enough but they made two big mistakes while we were there. First, I ordered a special wine and cheese platter to welcome us, which would have been so great after our terrible drive from San Francisco – if it would have actually gotten delivered! They brought it to the wrong room. Now, they did reverse the charges but come on. Second, their concierge acted like it was her first time to Napa as well. I asked for a map of the valley to which she responded, “Sorry, I don’t have any maps. I used to but we gave them all away.” I asked, “Isn’t there a map in that ‘Guide to Napa Valley’ magazine on the table behind you?” To which she replied, “Oh, there might be.” Yikes. I tested her with a couple of other questions while were there and she failed on all of them so I stopped asking.

Actually, the highlight of our trip was our guide and driver Lonnie Smith of www.lonnieswinetours.com I found him on Trip Advisor, where he has perfect reviews (including one from me) and he not only set up a day trip for us and drove our rental car but he also gave us recommendations about wineries and restaurants to visit on two other days. He’s the best.

You can buy California wine at any MGM Liquor warehouse but I am a farm kid and I wanted to see how people grew grapes and made them into wine! We did start with one of the big five wineries, Robert Mondavi. Who we learned was the godfather of Napa Valley wineries after prohibition and grew up in Minnesota! It has a great family story. He apparently had a huge fight with his brother over wine because he wanted to make it cheap and Robert wanted to make the best. He actually did when his cabernet beat the French early on and put California wine on the map. It gets even better; he lost his winery to a controversial takeover by the largest wine producer in the world. They ship like 300,000 cases and have several labels and a nice tour that’s worth seeing. We also went to two other huge wineries; The “Castello di Amorosa” built by multimillionaire wine maker Dario Sattui because he was “mad at his money.” We also visited Mumm Napa, where they make sparkling wine, which is kind of fun and different. There are plenty of tourist wineries that are very big like Sterling, Beringer and Sutter Home, who makes 18 million cases of white zinfandel a year, but we chose to focus on the smaller wineries that don’t have national distribution – you can only get wine from them directly. There are about 600 wineries in Napa Valley so you need some good advice, thanks to Lonnie again, and most of the smaller one’s are by appointment only. Two stood out for us and we joined their clubs. The Terraces in St. Helena, www.terraceswine.com, is run by a former IBMer, and they make about 2,500 cases a year. We got a fantastic tour of their winery and felt like family when we left. Similarly, Reverie in Calistoga, www.reveriewine.com, is an “estate” winery, which means they grow and bottle wine on site, also produces about 2,500 cases a year and had a great tour including a naturally occurring “circle” of redwoods where we drank incredible wine. Behrens Family in St. Helena, www.behrensfamilywinery.com, is small as well and they don’t grow grapes but they source them instead so they don’t have a tour but they have great wine and an incredible view. You do the tasting in an airstream trailer with your friend Robin. Right down the road from Behrens, up on the mountain, is Pride Mountain, www.pridewines.com. They are a medium size winery who makes about 18,000 cases a year and are a little more pretentious but still worth the drive. They have a great tour of their cave and a beautiful setting. Their Viognier has been served at the White House and is incredible.

I know this isn’t a travel blog so I’ll stop now but I’ll end with this. Being a parent is great and family vacations to the Black Hills and Disneyworld are swell but, taking a long weekend to do something like eat slow meals and drink wine just for fun is what life is all about. After all, Jesus did turn water into wine right?